Conflicted - I need your help

Sweet friends, I feel as though I there is a war raging inside of me.
Let me explain myself...
 
In order to be healed, God required my complete and total surrender to Him.
I had to surrender my body, my exercise, my caloric intake, my body image... the whole works.
That surrender happened slowly over time, but it did happen.
 
Now I know that being surrendered is actually the most liberating experience. 
I am now free to follow God, and free to do his will.
 
When he says go, I need to be free to go.  When he says talk to this person, I need to be willing to step out of my comfort zone and go talk.  Believe me, that's a big step.
I'm not going to lie, I don't always follow his lead. 
Being shy, I sometimes feel him leading me to talk with people who I'm uncomfortable around, and I don't always do it. 
But I'm trying.  More and more, I obey, and the more I do, the freer I become.
 
Now when I feel God calling to do something, take this step or that step, to do this or not do that, I want to unconditionally obey.
When I see that something is taking away from my relationship with him,
I want to change it. 
 
Which brings me to my dilemma...
2 weeks ago, I got an Instagram account. 
To be honest, I have really enjoyed it.  It has been so positive and encouraging,
and I've been able to reconnect with my "sisters" from treatment.
I've posted on it, and I've been so encouraged from the sweet comments people have left.
I feel like it maintains the relationship with my friends who live too far for me to see them.
 
But then there has been a downside.
I see pictures of girls who have the "ideal" body, and it makes me second guess the acceptance I have on my own.
I see girls who are stunningly pretty, girls who are a huge "success" on the Instagram world.
Then I wonder why I don't measure up.
 
Friends, even with my healing, I have struggles.
I struggle with numbers.
my weight.
my height.
the number of comments I get on my blog,
on my Instagram posts,
the number of followers I have on both of those,
the number of hours it takes me to do school in a day,
my grades,
etc.
etc.
etc.
 
And then I find that I spend a lot of time on Instagram.
So I made a rule that after 8:30pm, there would be no internet. 
That times was reserved just for me and God.
But somehow I am still distracted.
My mind always goes back to the upbeat things on Instagram, and I have trouble quieting myself enough to hear God's voice.
 
I have asked him if He wants me to give it up, because I am willing to do so.
For some reason, though, I don't have a strong feeling that I need to do so.
So I've continued to pray.
I've continued to talk things out with my mom.
And I need your help.
How do you handle social media?
Do you find that it distracts you from God?
From your purpose and calling?
What do you suggest I do?
 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

yes social media is distracting at times but also very good for getting info to a crowd ie prayer request, a plea for help or service or advice. however remember that people only post the "good" usually and that "NO ONE" is perfect. You are a real treasure