It's Going to be Ok

It will, it really will. 

I still don't understand.  I still ache to hold the sweet Ugandan babies at Amani.  

I still don't get it, but it's ok somehow...

I kept thinking of the quote that says,

"When God gives you a 'no', give Him and 'thank you'.  He was

 protecting you from less than His best." 

Thinking about that yesterday made me want to scream.  It was the absolute last thing I wanted to hear.  Reading Bible verse I usually love, hurt.  To read how God has picked us to be His people, called by His name to proclaim the gospel, only made me think of how I had claimed those promises for the Uganda trip - and all that was left of that was my broken heart.  

That was yesterday.

Today I'm ready to look up again, to decide that this isn't going to break me.

The old cliche about life being 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it?  I'm beginning to realize there's some truth in that.

I want God to use this - I don't want me to hinder the Lord working this out for His glory.  

What my mom told my sobbing self yesterday, 

just has to be true.

"God must be doing something really big here.  If He wasn't, it wouldn't be hurting this badly."

Please, Lord, do something big...turn this hurt into something that can be used for you...

I don't understand...but thank you that you do.