Burdened

 Christmas break is here.   For the first time in forever I'm sitting here with my family, watching a movie without stress, homework, due dates, and tests looming over my head.  
I can lay on my bed until the sun has begun to peek over the trees, and come downstairs to sunlight flooding the house.  I can hear the happy noises of little people playing in a world only they know - free from the turmoil normal school mornings bring.  
And in this perfect little world of mine, 
my heart is breaking.
I came home from school yesterday weighed down with burdens I had no idea how to express.
The needs of many raged around me, and my heart was so heavy over them.   
Hearts had been wounded so deeply that they had become calloused and cold, words were spoken from of bitter, hurting hearts to those who never should have received them.  Financial needs raged and the light had dimmed from far too many eyes.  Insecurity ran rampant - and my heart hurts to watch it.  

Opening up the book Kisses from Katie, my eyes filled with tears mere paragraphs into the forward of the book.  The FORWARD, people.  I almost never cry, and yet there I sat, eyes filling fast as I realized that I hadn't even started the actual book.  
Every time this hits me - and it happens a lot these days - my shatters into a million pieces over those who don't have the hope that holds me up every day - the hope of the Lord.

At 9:37 this morning, I told Mom how heavy my heart was.
Like she always does, she gave me the counsel I needed - life advice I've watched her live by.
She's great like that.  

These needs are Gods... He knows every single one of them, and He knows my heart.  He knows what He can and can't trust me with.  Right now, it's my job to pray over these needs and watch for the doors God opens for me to help -  
not about me jumping in and saving the world - thought I was capable of that once, but I'm not so sure now - but listening to my best friend and following where He leads.  

And even now, doors have been opened.  
And it's time...
Time to walk through.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You have such a pure heart and the unhappy conditions of others has always been a burden for you! These feelings have been on your heart for as long as I can remember....and I know that God has a plan for you and only time will tell what His plan for you is. Your heart is open to Him, and, right now, you must trust His timing and accept that you must get on with your life as you grow into the woman He has in mind....His plans will become clearer as you grow and learn and prepare for what will be your future as an adult making your own way in the world. Right now is the time for you to feel your way around this world and head in the direction that you are comfortable going in....Be sure you remember to stop and smell the flowers too!!! Don't ever forget all the good in the world, and all the people who love you.... Including me.....Gandy