Conflicted - I need your help

Sweet friends, I feel as though I there is a war raging inside of me.
Let me explain myself...
 
In order to be healed, God required my complete and total surrender to Him.
I had to surrender my body, my exercise, my caloric intake, my body image... the whole works.
That surrender happened slowly over time, but it did happen.
 
Now I know that being surrendered is actually the most liberating experience. 
I am now free to follow God, and free to do his will.
 
When he says go, I need to be free to go.  When he says talk to this person, I need to be willing to step out of my comfort zone and go talk.  Believe me, that's a big step.
I'm not going to lie, I don't always follow his lead. 
Being shy, I sometimes feel him leading me to talk with people who I'm uncomfortable around, and I don't always do it. 
But I'm trying.  More and more, I obey, and the more I do, the freer I become.
 
Now when I feel God calling to do something, take this step or that step, to do this or not do that, I want to unconditionally obey.
When I see that something is taking away from my relationship with him,
I want to change it. 
 
Which brings me to my dilemma...
2 weeks ago, I got an Instagram account. 
To be honest, I have really enjoyed it.  It has been so positive and encouraging,
and I've been able to reconnect with my "sisters" from treatment.
I've posted on it, and I've been so encouraged from the sweet comments people have left.
I feel like it maintains the relationship with my friends who live too far for me to see them.
 
But then there has been a downside.
I see pictures of girls who have the "ideal" body, and it makes me second guess the acceptance I have on my own.
I see girls who are stunningly pretty, girls who are a huge "success" on the Instagram world.
Then I wonder why I don't measure up.
 
Friends, even with my healing, I have struggles.
I struggle with numbers.
my weight.
my height.
the number of comments I get on my blog,
on my Instagram posts,
the number of followers I have on both of those,
the number of hours it takes me to do school in a day,
my grades,
etc.
etc.
etc.
 
And then I find that I spend a lot of time on Instagram.
So I made a rule that after 8:30pm, there would be no internet. 
That times was reserved just for me and God.
But somehow I am still distracted.
My mind always goes back to the upbeat things on Instagram, and I have trouble quieting myself enough to hear God's voice.
 
I have asked him if He wants me to give it up, because I am willing to do so.
For some reason, though, I don't have a strong feeling that I need to do so.
So I've continued to pray.
I've continued to talk things out with my mom.
And I need your help.
How do you handle social media?
Do you find that it distracts you from God?
From your purpose and calling?
What do you suggest I do?
 

Growing Up

My heart is overwhelmed with gratefulness today.
So much has happened in my life. 
The truth is that God has happened! 
No longer am I the sick, searching little girl I used to be.
I am now becoming the fulfilled encourager, the hope-bringer, and the Christ following woman who I was created be.
 
For as long as I can remember, I  never wanted to grow up.
I wanted to stay an innocent little child,
 always able to hide behind my parents when I was uncertain or shy.
I never wanted the adult, grown-up body because I was so scared of what that would bring.
I didn't want to a separate person from my parents.
And, in all honesty, I didn't know who that person was.
I completely trusted my mom and dad, but could I trust me? 
Could I do it on my own?
The answer is no.
No, I cannot trust me.
No, I cannot do it on my own.
 
But God.
I am now no longer trying to do it on my own, and I am no longer trying to figure out who I am.
I know who God is, and I have personally experienced his healing power.
Because I know who God is, I now know who I am.
I understand myself through him, and I am learning how I fit into his picture.
Now I can trust God.
And I can do life through him. 
On my own, no way!
With God? totally. 
 
 

So, What do ya think?

Things have been changed around here at Brittany's World!
How do you like the new header?
 
I have also revised the pages, and plan to add new one at some point in the future. 
So which do you like better?
The old:

or the new?

Kaden and Bethany Quotes (#24-25 and #9)

I thought I'd lighten up my writing a bit by throwing in some cute Bethany and Kaden quotes. 
Enjoy!

In the car one day,
 Kaden was talking on and on about how much he wanted to buy baby clothes for himself.
 As hard as we tried to explain that there simply were not baby-style clothes made for a nearly 6 year old boy, he would not be stopped.
"We can buy yots of clothes!" he said,
"Mommy fings, and baby fings for me.  I'll buy a crib and a swing... and diapers!"
(Kaden adores baby diapers)
"We can look on the computer when we get home!
Right Mom?"
 By this time most of us were tuning him out; still he continued:
"Right, Dad?"
"Right Defany?"
"Right Brittany?"
"Right...?" and with a big sigh: "Oh well."
 
Tonight after dinner, Bethany found a lady bug, and was enjoying showing it to everyone. 
She showed it to Brandon, Whitey (our dog), me, and my mom.
When Mom said it, she smiled and said, 
"Aw, he's a-dori-ble!"
"Yes!" Bethany agreeded, "him is a-dori-ble!"

My mom and I were working on my history for the week.
It was rough, because I hadn't reviewed the material since Christmas break started, and didn't really remember any of it.
I thrive on writing intensive work, not just reading and answering question. 
I tried to explain that the text book I was using just wasn't working for me.
"This isn't how I'm wired, Mom," I said, "I just cant learn like this."
Then, from across the room, I hear Kaden yell,
"Sure you can, Brittany!  Sure you can!"